Pg.10 of 366

I'm not a morning person, I do not like waking up.... So every morning I force it regardless haha. When I was told my job started at 6am I didn't hesitate to say "No problem!", but I still am forcing it. I've been lax this week and gotten in late but everyone else comes in after me still so I'm not worried too much. Either way.. I force myself for the wrong reasons hahaha. 
I'm gonna skip to Honest with Yourself because the only way to change is to be honest with yourself. From the moment I decided I was going to therapy I told myself I had to be honest with myself or I'd get no where. I WANTED to change, I WANTED to grow. This required honesty. I have self awareness conversations with myself daily, I call myself on my bullshit. I do my best to be self aware. I want to grow, I want to continue to heal and to change into a healthier me. 
Me getting my job was me finally taking center stage. I owned today as much as yesterday. I'm actually just sliding in. I keep finding things that need fixing, that has a huge effect on dollars. It surprises me that so much has been dismissed by those before me.  They took the job for no other reason then it was a job and messed around until they couldn't keep it going. I don't understand that. I go into a job and do it. I don't half ass it, that effects the lives of all involved and money, wtf waste everyone's time including your own. I just do not fucking understand. 
That's fine though, it's MY kitchen now and I'll get it running properly. I'll run it and get things flowing smoothly. It's a fucking goal now. It's a great place and the people are great too. I'm grateful I decided it was time I step up to the next level. Proud AF of myself. 
Therapy... Obviously it was needed and I didn't even know what I was going to talk about but I cried and I'm glad I went. I'd cancelled between Christmas and New Year's, she was sick the next one and I cancelled last week. It's been almost four wks and I'd been hoping they'd cancel but I'm glad I went, I'm not done and it's necessary I keep my appointments. 
I am up at 4:30 tomorrow, should be 4:15 because we're expecting weather. It's 8:34 and I really should go to bed. It really was a good day. I like good days. I need to figure out this apartment search thing. I need to fucking get my own place damn it. I want .. out. 

~ T ~

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