Ch. 5 (May WK 2) Pg. 133-139

Man... I just be making everything more difficult, I swear. 

This week... Fuck this week! 

Pg. 133.. Sunday, May 11. The only Good day this wk... No. Friday did end up Good. I am not going to make it not be otherwise. 

I'd decided to try a Butch Baby for breakfast with apples. I am determined to keep a day to make myself something, preferably new or different. So I was on Pinterest and that's what I did. 

Always with nuts if I can. 

and I was definitely in a mood. I knew the week was going to be rough, I did not expect it to be as rough as it was. But my Mug was a reminder apparently. Cause I definitely said fuck this. 

But I was happy with my little breakfast.

it was quite beautiful in my opinion and it was damn tasty! I will absolutely make different versions again!

So what can I say about Monday. It was the start of Cultural Week and nothing got tested because there's no damn time. I was busy cooking and being behind because the kitchen needs bodies. Didn't matter and because I chose not to question why I got a turkey party and not my chicken patty I got my ass reamed... We've never had that product and they have me use alternative shit all the time but this is an issue. Whatever. I was in at 5am and busted my ass like every other damn day. 

What image do I have for the only day that week that is not Sunday or Friday was Monday. And this is what I have...

i obviously thought about wanting to give up and man I did... I'd already talked to my therapist about how to deal with the stress and frustrations there and nothing I did was right. They need more bodies, two actual leads and more. But it was my fault. No man, no. Fuck that. 

So Tuesday had me back in at 5am... And my fucking kiss says I'm staying to make the next day's it I'll never get caught up. I fucking worked until 7pm. It was a nightmare. 40lbs of raw chicken to process and I couldn't even get it done fast because it was full of cartilage and bones. Everything was just bullshit. I didn't care in the end, I didn't I just scooped and was done. Well the next day that was wrong too. I was done, I just wanted to quit... I was just over it all. And that is literally how the week went. It got no fucking better. 

Finally I'm doing the last recipe. It has no flavor to me but I don't know it. It's a Kenyan recipe. So I tell her this so I can determine what we need. Inthe endshe added all kinds of shit and then determined that the spices were incorrect and they were "scaled or a serving of 8, odd", when it was done she was satisfied. 

Friday morning suddenly the rice is raw. Like, how is it raw when you tasted it last night!?! Fucking seriously?? So. Ow she gives me this other damn recipe and I have to have it done by 9... So I have to finish my shit, Clean up and have that made in an hour and a half.. in what fuckin world. So let's just skip to 10... I'm taken to the office and there I saaay while tede two people told me I have no skill, no talent, no ability. I am incapable of everything, I can't cook. I just sat there. I couldn't even speak. I was livid. I busted my ass, I had 14 hrs of overtime I didn't want. I was exhausted and that's how you speak to me? I busted my ass. Like worked myself to exhaustion. I stopped doing anything else because work was all I had the energy for. They had a page and a half of berating me. I had employees asking me by they were treating me the way they were and telling me working for them was like being in an abusive relationship but I'm the incapable one!? I actually discovered sexual harassment and helped get rid of it and here the fuck I'm being told I have no fucking kill. 

There's no more taking work home, I said I need to get it caught up that was my plan this week. They said no more, we've lost papers we need when people stop coming in. They sent me home to "think about my capabilities and whether I was the manager they hired 6 months ago". And I left. 

I got home and sat there like wtf man. How the hell did someone talk to me like that and I let them. I just sat there and let them. 

Then I was mad. I'd checked if Lindsey and Candy were up and let them know and we went to breakfast. Well as I was talking and updating, they often got my frustrations, I was going into the next week. I realized at that moment that they didn't expect me to make it. 

See, Thursday I left out. I had a quick meeting about picnics. Nothing I knew about, nothing anyone even mentioned to me about at no point. And they start Monday. 2800 of them to the different schools. They want the servers to do even more and it was insane. So as I'm talking I remember there was an insane catering on Wednesday too.  They expected to fire or demote me because not taking that work home or taking out the product I needed to have thawed for the catering basically put me so far behind I would not be able to dig myself out. I just sat there, exhausted knowing next week was going to be even worse. And I couldn't put myself through that.i was mad... Fucking pissed off. How dare they tell my that! I am in no way a fucking Chef but fuck you for speaking to me the way my abusers did. Fuck you. 

So .. I went home. I was getting late and it was May 17 and I had a concert to go to! The longest fucking week and I was going to see Social Distortion and Bad Religion!! 

It was such a long week that I didn't even know what I was going to wear until I took my shower and started trying shit in. But I put together a cute ass outfit. 

i felt cute AF! And thinking about what I needed to do just helped lift things off my shoulders. The stress the last two months.. just not worth it. 

I had paid for special parking and it was close and perfect. 

It was a beautiful day and night, actually a little cold. 

Social Distortion played first.

i actually found my original ticket stub from 1995 and it was such a great show. .I heard everything I wanted to and it was wonderful. 

the longest fucking week... The longest fucking day and I was seeing two amazing bands. 

Bad Religion... Man. I remember how excited I was seeing them that first time. The last band at an all day punk show. Bad Religion always reminds me of Jeremy and always will. 

I heard everything I wanted ànd the people surrounding me were filled with such energy.  I had ended up getting into an elevator in the parking garage.. it was full and the two youngest had to have been like maybe 16... And punk in every way. The one with the Mohawk decided to mention how much he wished he could get Pennywise here. I chimed in that they were my first every punk show back when I was 18. The sweetest punks ever. Truly. 

I stayed until Struck a Nerve was over, the last song I wanted to hear. I knew I had a 3 hr drive home and I knew I was gonna be tired. It was such a bizarre week and hell if I made huge decisions that will stay with me. 

No one is speaking to me that way again, ever. 

Saturday..I believe I went to Sturgis for M & T, my weekend was odd but ok. I knew what I was gonna do and what I needed to do. I simply was not letting anyone speak to me that way again and I wasn't going to put myself through the hell that I had already been going through knowing it was going to be worse. 

I simply had to make a stand for myself. 

i am and I will. 

I left so many things out.. but I have images haha. Sunday I did make myself some Delicious Pancakes! French Toast Pancakes! 

Each was a different flavor. A Blueberry, A Pineapple and apple. And once they were made I made French Toast out of them! 

It was definitely an interesting process and the pancakes got very tender but man were they yummy!

I will continue to cook for myself as best as I can, at least one relaxing like this. My self care morning to myself. 

~ T ~